Adios muchaches

Posted in Stand-up philosophy on January 8th, 2016 by jos8cal

Garbage At The Deonar Landfill Site As Trash Mountain Rising in Mumbai Swamps Modi 21st Century Vision...Boys play as cows graze through garbage at the Deonar landfill site in Mumbai, India, on Wednesday, March 11, 2015. Mumbai is running out of space for its waste, and Deonar, Asia's oldest and largest dumpsite, is bursting. Each day, more than 500 trucks line up along a two-lane dirt road in an eastern suburb, waiting to add to a mountain of refuse tall enough to submerge the White House twice over. Photographer: Dhiraj Singh/BloombergInceput trist de an. Ca si cum pierderea lui George Pruteanu nu ar fi fost indeajuns, unul dintre cei mai importanti duhovnici ai miscarii in principal spirituale despre C++ si-a incetat activitatea subit, lasind in urma sa un munte de pliante, ghiduri si vouchere despre limba C++. Mirosul greu de carte a patruns rapid prin galeriile miniere dorind parca sa dezmierde pentru ultima oara nasul bine lucrat a lui Silviu.

Mirosul l-a luat prin surprindere cu asa o forta incit ultimele vorbe ale maistrului Scott si-au gasit drumul spre libertate printr-un ragnet lung indreptat spre cerul galeriei. Batrinii spun ca echo-ul inca mai poate fi auzit prin galerie sau daca asculti atent o floare de mina.

Am reusit sa aflam si noi mesajul prin chiar insusi Silviu: “Magnificent CPU Chaches Presentation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDIkqP4JbkE … We will miss you @Scott__Meyers!”

Magnificent intr-adevar! Chiar si Urban Dictionary este in complet acord cu Silviu: “Chach: Definition: Noun-A person (usually male)who attempts to exhibit a cool and popular look but generally comes across as either an asshole and/or a total loser.”

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Purely Fabricated Interview Expert Pattern

Posted in Slagare internationale, Stand-up philosophy on February 21st, 2011 by Mihnea

Am aflat de la Andrei Ignat ca Scott Hanselman a publicat o noua lista de intrebari de interviu pentru programatori. Cred ca Hanselman asta e un fel de Ovidiu Cucu international, ca vad ca tot publica liste d-astea. Ca orice programator care se respecta, si eu sint constient ca pot deveni somer peste noapte, deci fac eforturi mari sa ma tin la curent cu ultimele evolutii in domeniul intrebarilor de interviu. Atasez mai jos raspunsurile mele la intrebarile lui, pentru cei 3 cititori din totalul nostru de 5 care nu sint membri pe programare.org. Scuzati limba lu’ Shakespeares, am zis sa nu break character.

What is SOLID?

YABA.

Why are patterns important?

Patterns are important because people who cannot program must be able to project importance by wielding pompous words.

Who are the Gang of Four? Why should you care?

The Gang of Four, also known as The Alpha Wankers, are four non-programmers who understood what power words are and applied the concept to programming. I care because Aurelian Popa told me that today it is more important to be “social” than to know how to program, and using pretentious jargon like “singleton” instead of “global variable” is a guaranteed way of improving one’s social status. They are not to be confused with the Wang-Zhang-Jiang-Yao group, whose name they borrowed in a spectacularly ill-advised stab at self-irony.

Explain the concept of Separation of Concerns and it’s pros and cons.

Separation of Concerns means that when you concern yourself too much with design patterns, you can stop being concerned about grammar. No man can understand the singleton pattern AND remember the basic rules of languages with immensely complex grammars such as English, so once you embrace the teachings of the Gang of Four, grammar becomes Somebody Else’s Concern. The first sign of this transcendence is putting an apostrophe in the possessive pronoun “its”.

Discuss the concept of YAGNI and explain something you did recently that adhered to this practice.

YAGNI is something YAGN, as it’s related to XP.

Are you still writing code? Do you love it?

No, I’m too busy calling my global variables singletons and speaking at conferences about it.

What do you do to stay abreast of the latest technologies and tools?

Hahaha you said breast!

How do you react to people criticizing your code/documents?

I punch them, fire them and/or write inflammatory posts about them on forums or blogs.

Whose blogs or podcasts do you follow? Do you blog or podcast?

Are blogs and podcasts design patterns? Never heard of them. Anyway, I like the color fuchsia, I am an open-minded person focused on self-improvement and my hobbies include hiking, music, reading and taxidermy. I hope this helps you determine if I’m a good programmer or not.

What is the last programming book you read?

I only ever read one, “Design Patterns”. I memorized every word. I don’t need to know anything else.

What’s so great about <cool web technology of the day>?

<generic answer>

How can you stop your DBA from making off with a list of your users’ passwords?

I didn’t know such sexual deviationism is so common among DBAs and anyway, why is that my problem instead of HR’s? Oh wait, you said “making off”, not “making out”. My bad.

What do you do when you get stuck with a problem you can’t solve?

The Design Patterns book is a complete list of solutions which are just waiting for problems. Unenlightened people approach programming the wrong way: they see problems and look for solutions. I use the sure-fire method of picking solutions from The Book and inventing problems for them. That way, I’m never stuck. Any feature or system which cannot be implemented in this way is ill-defined and not worth my concern in the first place. See also the “Separation of Concern” principle.

What’s the difference between a web server, web farm and web garden?

Wait, what? Web garden?

When do you know your code is ready for production?

When I have at least 157 design patterns in it.

What’s YAGNI? Is this list of questions an example?

Didn’t you ask this already?

Noile mele cuvinte favorite: Information Expert (a nu se confunda cu Code Expert), Pure Fabrication, Protected Variations.

LE (adica Later Edit, Ovidiu): hahahaha am aflat ce-i ala web garden. Redefinirea cuvintelor limbii engleze, in pula mea.

LLE: GoF au incercat sa si cinte la un moment dat. Punk, pentru ca si la muzica se pricep la fel de bine ca la programare. Iata-i aici prezentind pattern-ul “Old Grey Whistle Test”:

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